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Sunday, October 30th 2011

Time Wasters .....

Just lately the rise in time wasters has gotten worse. I would estimate that only 1 in 20 people who call me actually book and show up for an appointment. Which means that the other 19 are time wasters, wankers, idiots and people who just havent got a clue. Ive been in the business for 11 years now and guys must think im stupid when they think that i dont know when i get the following calls ...

Client: How much for quick blowjob/titwank babe?
Me: Sorry?!
Client: How much would you charge for a quick blowjob/titwank?
Me: I wouldn't do that!
Client: Oh right why not
Me: Because it takes me an hour to get ready for you and then probably half an hour to clean up after you and i wouldnt do all that for something like £30!!
DELUDED IDIOT

Client: Alright sexy, how are you?
Me: Yes fine thanks what can i do for you?
Client: Hello?
Me: Yes?
Client: What you doing?
Me: Right now, I'm talking to you
Client: Cool cool. What you wearing?
Me: *long sigh and disconnects call*
TIME WASTER

Client: Hello darling, is this Abbie
Me: Yes, that's me, what can I do for you?
Client: How much just to lick your feet/blowjob/handjob
Me: My rates are on my profile, you pay for my time. How you choose to use that time is up to you.
Client: But I cum really quick, come on darling, do me a good rate? Can't you set your price for that 1 thing?
Me: Mate, I think you're confusing me for a street prostitute.
ANOTHER DELUDED IDIOT

Client: Hello, I want phonesex
Me: You need to book a session through the site with someone who does that then.
Client: I'm not a member. Is there another way I could pay you? Maybe topping up your phone?
Me: Sorry darling, I dont do phone sex.
Client: Oh, so you don't need the money. Can't you just do it for free? I'm sure I could make you cum over the phone, I'd tell you how bad I wanna lick your pussy!
Me: *rolls eyes* I'm not interested!
Client: But I really wanna spunk in your mouth
Me: And i really want to just chat with my girlfriend instead.
WANKER!

Client text: Hey babe, you working today? If so, text back
My text: I don't take bookings by text, you need to ring me to discuss
Client text: Can't chat right now. Text me your address
My text: If you're too stupid to follow instructions, I don't want to meet you
Client text: Lol, I'm not stupid, ain't got any free minutes, could you call me?
My text: If you can't afford to call me, you can't afford to see me! Now fuck off!
SKINT TIMEWASTER

Client: Hi darling, I got your number off AdultWork. Was wondering if you could tell me what services you provide and what your rates are
Me: (long pause) ... Well, all of the details are on the profile
Client: Yeah, I know, but I'm not near a computer, I took your number down earlier
Me: I'm sorry but I'm not going to waste my time explaining something you can find out yourself or is clearly written on my profile
Client: OK, what do you look like?
Me: Stop wasting my time asking these stupid questions, I'm not having this conversation with you. Get off my line!
TIME WASTER!

Client: Hi, how much for half hour?
Me: £100
Client: Are you worth £100?
Me: (long pause)... Isn't that a redundant question? You're asking me if I'm worth the money I'm asking for?
ANOTHER TIME WASTER

Client: Hello Abbie, I would like to book a meet with you tomorrow at 2 for 1 hour.
Me: That's fine, just give me a call around 1 to confirm that you're still coming?
Client: Great! I understand fron your profile, you can dress as a Nurse Could you do that during our meet?
Me: Not a problem
Client: Good. Also, could you wear a Garter
Me: Sure, I have a Garter available
Client: With earrings and bangles?
Me: No, jewellry gets in the way, sorry.
Client: Could you also wear a headscarf?
Me: I guess so...
Client: And under your Nurse Outfit, I want you to wear sexy stockings with heels
Me: Darling, you're asking for quite a lot, it would take me 20 minutes to get ready for you!
FUSSY BASTARD!

Client: Hi Abbie, I want to book you, you are very sexy
Me: Thank you! When did you want to meet?
Client: I'm driving from London and will be in Birmingham by 12. I really can't wait to fuck your pussy.
Me: Ok, we can talk about all of that during our session. Call me when you're local, ok?
Client: I can't wait to get my cock in your mouth!
Call disconnected. Client makes several attempts to call again for several hours. Eventually I answer.
Me: Are you going to speak to me properly now?
Client: I always speak to you properly!
Me: No, you were being very crude earlier. If you want to talk dirty, you can book a phonechat session, otherwise, behave yourself.
USUALLY A TIME WASTER

Client: Hi, can you tell me where the best hotel is in Derby?
Me: I'm not 118, find out yourself
Client: Just give me the phone number of one you recommend? I'm not from Derby. Please?
Me: (I start giving a few names of hotels, then stop as I hear a lot of heavy breathing) Are you wanking?!
Client: Er, no. I'm listening to you, keep talking
Me: OMG, you're getting turned on listening to me giving you directions?!
TIME WASTER

Client: Hi i got your number off a mate can you describe yourself
Me: Well ask your mate what i look like if he recommended me
Client: Well how much do you charge an hour
Me: Let me give you my website so you can go and take a look for yourself
Client: I dont have internet access
Me: Try an Internet Cafe
Client: Please babe i dont know any just tell me in details what your like
Me: Look im not going through all this on the phone if your so interested make the effort to find out thats what my website and profiles are for.
TIME WASTER

Come on guys stop messing us girls about. Do the decent thing and actually be a nice guy. Sometimes you dont realise how we move things around to accomodate you, only to find that you forgot about your appointment with us or you cancel at the last minute and think its ok to do so. Imagine if you go into work today and your boss tells you when you got there "err sorry i forgot you were coming into today we wont be needing you" Its just not good human nature.

Sunday, January 3rd 2010

Are you a First Timer?

If its your first time - fear not - heres a little step by step guide to help you out ...

Escorts you've seen them everywhere. They're on the internet, they're in magazines, they're in the phonebook, and they're in the papers. You'd love to book an escort, but you're a little apprehensive because you've never done anything quite like it before and you haven't got a clue where to begin.

FIRST OF ALL WE NEED TO DISPEL A COUPLE OF MYTHS.......

An Escort will not turn up at your door in a red plastic mini skirt, black fishnet stockings and white stilettos smoking a fag, unless of course you specifically ask him/her to.

Escorts are not drunks and drug addicts who'd slash your throat and nick your wallet as soon as they get the chance.

Escorts will not blackmail you or call you at home and wreck your marriage -common prostitutes might, but real escorts wont.

THE FACTS.......

Real Escorts are different to parlour girls who offer sex on the production line, and escorts are different to streetwalkers and rent boys who tout for business in public.

A real Escort has more control over the way he/she controls his business, and is usually more expensive.

Escorts are free to see 'who' they please and 'when' they please as opposed to parlour girls and streetwalkers who's clients are normally organised and controlled by others.

WHERE TO FIND AND BOOK AN ESCORT .......

The internet is probably the best place to look for an escort. Most escorts have their own website containing all the information you need including photographs, or use websites. Dont ask daft questions like - what's on the menu, and a price list. Newspapers and magazines can be a bit dodgy unless the advertisement is by a reputable escort or agency. Let's face it, you don't know who the hell is going to turn up at your door!

DIFFERENT TYPES OF ESCORTS .........

Escorts come in all shapes and sizes. You get small ones, big ones, tall ones and short ones. You get Escorts who offer a limited type of service, and you get Escorts who offer the more extreme type of service -It all depends what your looking for. Some clients are looking for something that they 'don't' or 'can't' get at home.

Some clients are looking for closeness -often described as the 'girlfriend/boyfriend experience'. Some clients just want to have sex because they need it and there's no one else immediately available to satisfy their desires, and some clients book escorts out of sheer curiosity.

It all depends on the type of an escort you're looking for. If you're looking for an escort to accompany you to a business meeting, your best bet would be to look at the way an escort presents herself.
The style and layout of an Escorts website often speaks volumes. If an escort has made the effort to invest in an expensive well designed website, you can usually be sure she/he is looking to attract the more affluent clients.

If an escort's website comes across as fun and full of excitement, you can normally be sure that a good time will be had by all. If an escort's website comes across as cheap and nasty... Well, I think you get my drift!

If you book an escort through a news paper or magazine again, it's all about presentation. An escort or an escort agency who has gone to the trouble of having an advertisement especially designed is much more likely to come up with the 'goodies' than one who's spent about £7.50 on an advertisement saying 'Sexy Escort Available 24/7'

TIPS FOR SEEING AN ESCORT .......

If contact is by Email initially, introduce yourself and let him/her know how you came across their website e.g. search engine or directory.

Do not ask an escort for any information which is clearly displayed on his/her website -You'll only come across as a timewaster and a pervert!

Do not send the escort a 'one liner' e.g. "Do you do it up the bum" -Again, you'll only come across as a timewaster and a pervert.

Do be pleasant and polite. Good manners will get you anywhere.

Ask the escort if it's OK to discuss his/her explicit information before you leap in. It's polite, and your enquiry will appear more genuine.

Don't be afraid to provide a few personal details about yourself. The escort needs to know that he/she is going to be safe. It's only common sense.

Telephone the escort on the morning of your appointment to confirm. If you do not call to confirm, the escort may not turn up for the appointment.

If you have to cancel your appointment for any reason, let the Escort know ASAP. If you fail to turn up for an appointment without any hint of an explanation you may find yourself Black Listed.

Discretion is one of the initial factors which concern both the escort and the client. If you are visiting an escort at his/her home or hotel I would advise you to carry a briefcase or a folder. You may like to ask the escort to do the same if they are visiting you. Anyone watching will think you are attending a business meeting.

It's best to meet your escort in the bar/restaurant/foyer for Hotel appointments. This will deter any unnecessary attention from the hotel staff.

Please pay the escort on his/her arrival.

Good manners are essential. If an escort is visiting you, offer him/her something to drink followed by a guided tour to the bathroom.

Don't worry about making the first move. Any escort worth their salt will know exactly when and how to introduce intimacy.

Good luck on your first encounter whoever you choose to see xxx